Dad Jokes for Wedding Photographers
Cameras, weddings, photographers…all are fair game. And since they’re dad jokes, none of them are good, LOL
Why did the wedding photographer bring a ladder?
To get the best "highly"-rated shots!
How does a wedding photographer end a joke?
With a good exposure!
Why was the wedding photographer always calm?
Because they knew how to keep things in frame!
Why did the bride become a photographer after the wedding?
She wanted to "develop" her new life!
Why did the photographer bring a map to the wedding?
To find the right angle, of course!
Why did the photographer go to therapy?
Because they had too many issues with focus!
What do you call a group of photographers at a wedding?
A "flash" mob!
Why did the photographer bring a ladder to the ceremony?
To take their photography to new heights!
Why did the camera stay calm during the chaos of the wedding day?
Because it knew how to keep things in "focus"!
Why did the photographer bring a compass to the wedding?
To ensure they were on the right "angle"!
Why did the camera fail the math test?
It couldn't find the right angle!
Why did the camera become a comedian?
Because it had a knack for framing jokes!
What's a camera's favorite game?
Hide and seek – it loves finding the perfect shot!
How does a camera stay warm in the winter?
It wears a lens cap!
Why did the camera become a detective?
It was great at capturing evidence!
What did one camera say to the other at the party?
"You autofocus on having a good time!"
Why did the camera go to school?
To focus on its studies!
What's a camera's favorite type of fruit?
The snap-le!
How does a camera get in shape?
It does lots of "focus" exercises!
What does the monk photographer do?
Focuses
Why did the camera get kicked out of the party?
It was flashing too much!
How does a camera stay cool?
It always has a lens shade!
Why did the camera get into a fight with the printer?
It couldn't handle being overexposed!
What's a camera's favorite candy?
Snap-ples!
How does a camera express surprise?
With a lens-wide open!
Why did the wedding photographer go to jail?
Because they got caught framing someone!
How do you organize a fantastic space wedding?
You planet!
What's a wedding photographer's favorite type of music?
"Canon" in D!
How does a wedding photographer stay cool?
They always have a lens shade!
Why shouldn’t you ever steal a photographer’s lens?
He will remember you because he has a photographic memory.
What kind of photos do lobsters take the most?
Shellfies.
Why didn’t the jury find the photographer guilty of his wife’s murder?
They thought someone had framed him.
Why was Cinderella so hopeful about her photos?
She knew her prints would come one day.
Why did the camera stop dreaming about a career in photography?
He couldn’t remain focused.
Why was the woman not upset that her husband shot her?
The photos turned out great.
Why did the man taking photos of naked people get arrested?
Due to indecent exposure.
Why did the actress call the sniper who became a photographer?
She wanted a great headshot.
Why was the unpredictable photographer not invited to any event?
Everyone thought he was a loose Canon.
What does a photographer need to hang up his photos?
Jpegs.
Why can’t you ever hold photos of light bulbs too close to the sun?
Too much exposure.
When did the sunset photographer realize he had struck gold?
During golden hour.
Why was a lens crying in the cafe?
He realized he was not in his prime anymore.
What did the photographer say when he saw that all the edges of his photos were not bright enough?
I feel like I’m vignetting something.
What did the photographer say to his assistant at the photoshoot when he was frustrated?
I feel like I will snap at any moment.
What did the photographer say to his wife before they were married?
I can really picture us together.
Why did the boy never try to become a professional photographer?
He just couldn’t picture himself being one.
Why do I not take photography seriously right now?
I’m only just developing it as a hobby now.
Why would a farmer make a good photographer?
They know how to handle the crop.
What quality do you have to set your camera to when taking a photo of cutlery?
4K
What happened to the man who had a lot of bad encounters with cameras in his childhood?
He experienced a lot of flashbacks.
Why is it okay to make embarrassing jokes about your camera?
They’ll all disappear in a flash.
Why shouldn’t you take a photo of corn with your camera?
It will probably end up really grainy.
What camera do polar bears love?
Polaroids.
What happened when the woman put a backup camera in the front of her vehicle?
She never looked back.
Why should you always be scared of someone with a camera?
They can shoot at any time.
Why was the fish picked as the lead photographer for the camera campaign?
He had a great fish eye lens.
Why do cameras who are self-obsessed take a lot of photos that have a blurred background?
They like to keep the focus on themselves.
I read Fifty Shades of Grey to learn more about white balance.
I bought a Labrador and named him Kodak, so I can say I own a Kodak Lab.
I had to give up my career as a photographer. I kept losing my focus.
The only person happy with a 100% crop is a farmer.
What’s the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and a struggling photographer?
A large pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s wrong with most cameras that won’t take good pictures?
The nut behind the viewfinder!
Did you hear about how the photographer died?
It makes me shutter.
Where does a cow hang his photos?
In a mooooooseum.
Did you hear about the guy who stole all those photos?
I think he was framed.
Why did the photographer argue with the curator at the art gallery?
He wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
What do you call a photo taken by a cat?
A paw-trait.
What did snow white say when her photos weren’t ready yet?
Some Day My Prints Will come!
Why can’t you find good photography jokes?
They haven’t been developed yet.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then why shouldn’t we judge a book by its cover?
The fastest way to make money from photography is to sell your camera.
Photographers have been known to flash people.
A photographer told me his camera didn’t have continuous high-speed mode and I almost BURST out laughing.
Why was the photographer arrested?
Flashing and indecent exposure…
How do you seduce a photographer?
Turn off the lights and see if anything develops.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged?
I hear they met on the web.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Two cannonballs got married this morning.
I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married?
The reception was terrific.
Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
This couple was married for 67 years. I asked them that if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce.
“Heavens no,” she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.”
Marriages are made in heaven.
Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
My wife says I never listen…
Or something like that.
I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married.
The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
I can honestly say that in all the years I’ve known him, no one has ever questioned the groom’s intelligence.
In fact, I’ve never heard anyone even mention it.
Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Anne Bancroft
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a very emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.
It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at either.
Some people ask the secret of Mr. and Mrs. Anthony’s long marriage.
They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: A little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes on Tuesdays; He goes on Fridays.
Why did Comic Sans break up with Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just didn’t have that spark.
“To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash
A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” — Toni Sciarra Poynter
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” — Prince Phillip
“A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” — James H. Boren
I married Mrs. Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” — Miles Davis
“Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
“Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” — Kathy Mohnke
Marriage is not a word.
It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take.
The husband gives and the wife takes.
In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.
Since then, weddings have been held there. Times haven’t changed at all!
Our marriage was a love match. Plain and simple.
She was plain, and I was simple.
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” — Milton Berle
“A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” — Anonymous
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz
“To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” — Mark Twain
They married for better or for worse.
He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse!
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” — Henry Youngman
Woman: “I got a set of golf clubs for my husband.”
Friend: “GREAT trade!”
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen
Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?
He’s trying to figure out the combination.
After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out.
When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” — Wendy Liebman
“An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” — Booth Tarkington
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
When a woman makes a fool of a man, it’s usually an improvement.
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
“The best thing to ever happen to a marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” — Rick Reilly
A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”
Her friend replied, “And what was he before you married him?” The woman said, “A multi-millionaire.”
“Don’t make love by the garden gate. Love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t.” — Anyonymous
